Studio Michała Łapińskiego
LISTY OD OJCA
Zbiór
glównie po angielsku
Listy od ojca
nie mam wiele listów
od mojego ojca –-
ale jest dużo stłoczonych liter
na zmiętych arkuszach papieru
używał starej maszyny do pisania
litery potykały się, wpadały na siebie
niektórych brakowało
były uzupełniane ołówkiem
z wysiłkiem
listy od mojego ojca
przychodziły spóźnione
o 20 dni
lub 20 lat
jeden został napisany przed wojną
był o synu, którego matka zmarła
zanim mógł się naprawdę urodzić
ojciec go sobie przywłaszczył
i stworzył mu do życia
świat kłamstwa
listy od mojego ojca
przychodziły niezapowiedziane
kiedy byłem pochłonięty pracą
lub pogrążony w myślach
domagały się, by stanąć na baczność
i salutować mu
kiedy prowadził armię słów
do kolejnego daremnego ataku
na prawdę –
wojsko zostało zmiecione
było wycięte z marnego kartonu
moich listów do ojca
nie ma zbyt wiele
są liczne wersje, których nie skończyłem
na ścianie wiszą niepełne zdania
i rozmazane fotografie
zawsze chciałem pisać w języku
w którym obaj potrafilibyśmy rozmawiać
ale ja mamrotałem w swoim
a on mówił tylko łamanym ojcowskim
Inheritance
I inherited from my mother
her reading glasses
her love for Conrad
and her wish to kill herself
rather than to get old and ugly
My father left me his sarcasm and wit
his ribbons and medals
and his wish to live longer
than anyone else
no matter what
My grandfathers believed in me
one wanted me to be a Paderewski
the other, my analyst,
- just myself
They gave me their kindness
I hope I have not wasted it
while I was trying to succeed
in living
The capsule
I found a capsule in the box of things
my Father had left.
He died young, killed in the uprising
no one really needed.
There was also a field-cap with the eagle,
some unreadable letters
and the faded photographs -
of an older woman gently smiling
and of a girl with the ribbons in her pleats.
The capsule was in an old matchbox
carefully wrapped in cotton wool
it was no bigger that my thumbnail
the liquid in it looked enticing.
I though it was a time capsule
that might reveal memories and secrets -
when broken it would release a ghost
which would embrace me
and lead me by the hand
to our home
where Mum would be waiting with dinner.
The man in the laboratory said
that he saw something like that
in the museum of the dead and fallen:
the capsule when broken
with fear, greed or impatience
would release bitter fumes
that kill instantly.
You will never be captured
You will never take another breath.
Originality
When my origins
have no father worth mentioning
my mind creates itself
in a frutiless coupling
of a lame ape and an ant.
I steer clear of becoming,
rushing through numerous ravines
and find my way out
through a rabbit hole
which leads nowhere.
Some would say it’s fine
it’s pretty interesting
good luck.
But they don’t see
how empty is the vessel
I drink from.
It is different when
with my hands on the steering wheel
I drive through the night
singing and swearing
while the parents
make love
on the back seat.
It could be me
A miraculously preserved picture
from the Warsaw uprising
shot as if by chance:
a woman with a little boy
holding him by the hand
It could be me
The houses are in ruins,
some on fire, walls collapsing
are they fleeing or lost
aesperate, blinded and defeated ?
Who will get buried under the rubble with hundreds others
when bombs fall from the Prussian blue sky?
It could be me
Free archives
But we survived, my mother
and grandparents,
even father raised from the dead
we sailed away from the ruined city
in a blue-white boat with a siren
at the bow
guiding us
and the captain standing at the helm
magnificent escaping unburied
held the rudder firmly
It could have been me
AI assisted